keranzi

discouragement is a life long engagement.

my father doesn't email, he doesn't 'facebook', he doesn't even like talking on the phone. but he loves texting. and i love that he loves texting.

but that isn't the point of this post . . .

if i had finished a bachelors degree within four years after high school graduation, i wouldn't be a ranzenberger. we all served missions, we all took a while to decide what we wanted to study, therefore we all graduated or will graduate a little later than your average bear. so here i am 26, with a year left in my undergraduate studies.

i tried to get a head start on grad school applications the other day and nearly had a melt down. my grades aren't terrible, but they aren't amazing. i haven't taken the GRE yet - i don't want to talk about it. i feel like grad school is something only smart people do, and unfortunately the one thing [besides be a mom] i want to do with my life, requires a masters degree. people do a lot harder things than study speech pathology ... like medical school. my sister went to  m e d i c a l  school. but whatever, it's relative right? whenever i start thinking about everything i have to do my heart starts pounding and finds it's way to my throat, my trachea constricts to the size of straw, causing hyperventilation, and before i know it my face is in a paper bag and i'm gasping for air with tears streaming down my face. suddenly those girls who decided to get married at 19 seem really smart. why didn't i think of that? 

i was talking [texting] with my dad about everything and this is how our conversation ended . . . 

ten years ago this wasn't the type of 'engagement' i imagined myself discussing with my father.

i'm grateful for his honesty and while the truth hurts, it is also motivating. discouragement is a lifelong engagement ... i'm always going to be facing something that makes me feel inadequate, i'll probably never feel good enough. the questions is ... will i let that be that driving force that helps me improve? or will i let it defeat me? feelings of inadequacy can distract and deter us from accomplishing our goals and reaching our potential, but only if we let them.

"Whatever the source, such feelings of personal inadequacy can prove debilitating. If we allow them to persist, the weight of the world will press down on us, and we will be held back from achieving our potential. By extension, the lives of those we love will also be affected—lives that otherwise would have been touched for good if we had felt positively about ourselves.
If we have subjected ourselves to a constant barrage of self-criticism, let us recognize that we are better than we think we are! When things go wrong in our lives, it is easy to lose all sense of perspective. We forget our divine inheritance, when we should remember that we come from heavenly parents who love us. We are impatient for instant solutions, when often it is the passage of time that will allow things to work out. We ignore or downplay our strengths and abilities, just at the time we should be recognizing and applying them." 
Elder David S. Baxter, over coming feelings of inadequacy. click here for full talk.


 “To press on in noble endeavours, even while surrounded by a cloud of depression, will eventually bring you out on top into the sunshine.” ^{president benson}


it's so much easier to blog about this mentality than to actually maintain it. but it can be done, i think ... i hope. and so my friends, the moral of the story is, keep on keepin' on. i will, if you will.


love,
Keri Ann