keranzi

i like being a human.

i volunteer at the hospital every thursday on the mother/baby floor. one particular morning there was a baby in the nursery who was getting a little bit fussy, so i picked him up and cuddled him and gave him his pacifier and let him wrap his tiny hand around my finger and stroked his perfectly mohawked hair. while i was rocking him and daydreaming about trying to escape with him, claim him as my own and how many years i would spend in prison when i got caught, a nurse wheeled in another baby. a young guy, probably my age if not younger, was trailing behind her. the expression on his face told me he did not work at the hospital; he was the other little baby's father. the nurse stopped the cart right in front of a huge window and started some tests on the wee little babe. the new daddy took a seat to watch his new son's first moments of life. that baby was literally only minutes old. outside the large window stood an older woman, excitedly taking pictures through the glass. grandma :)

the baby i held in my arms yawned, directing my attention back to his sweet, little, splotchy, wrinkly face. these babies were inside of another human less than a week ago. the one i held was inside of a uterus on monday, just two days before that. and there he was: breathing, yawning, squirming, and sleeping in my arms ... a l i v e! and the thought crossed my mind: i like being a human. 

being human is difficult. it's heartbreaking. it's sad. it's mean. it isn't fair. it tears you down. it sucks! but it also is and does the opposite of all those things and it can actually be pretty sweet. i've been going through some weird stuff lately and i've sort of found myself in a place i never really imagined i would ever be. some really really hard things, but also some of the best things. but most importantly things that have made me appreciate and better acquaint myself with God.

if there is one thing that i wanted to convey to those brand new little people, it was that as terrifying and as hopeless as life can seem, one (or three) fact remains: God is real. God is good. God is love. He sent little spirits to inhabit those tiny fragile bodies and those little bodies are going to get hurt. physically, emotionally and spiritually. but God's love is never going to leave them, because He is their Heavenly Father. they might not feel that love sometimes or maybe even ever, but that doesn't mean it won't be there. i know God weeps with us. i know that our concerns, pains, struggles, joys, and successes are His. whether it's stubbing a toe, losing a loved one, graduating from college, or having a baby ... 

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God" D&C 18:10

He weeps with us and he rejoices with us. i know that more now than i have ever known that in my entire life. 

babies.

bis später,
Keri 

 chunky wee little keri