keranzi

so when i was little i would get these ideas in my head to make these really awesome art projects. like one time i literally tried to make an over head projector with a mirror and a flash light some paper and tape. but what usually ended up happening with these projects is i'd mess something up, so i'd try fixing them with white-out, and if that didn't work i'd just glue another piece of paper on top of the one i messed up and then somehow tape would be involved and then i'd have to color over something and finally i'd end up with a huge ugly mess, sticky fingers, and a heap of trash.

i sometimes still do that. only not with crafts. i do it with people. [k i don't literally try to turn people into over-head projectors]  i try to 'fix' things that shouldn't be fixed ... and instead of starting over i end up with something similar to what i described before. get it now? yes, i'm talking about dating. i screw it up.

once in 10th grade when i told audra whats-her-face that i liked this one kid in my math class who i'd never spoken to and she told him right in front of me and the whole class. i was mortified. i thought i wouldn't experience anything like that because you know, i'm 25 now ... but i was wrong. the only difference is, now i don't have audra whats-her-face to blame it on. hell, i can't even blame it on the alcohol because i don't drink it.

so last week i went out with this kid a few times. it wasn't something to get too excited about but hey it's summer and who doesn't mind the occasional summer fling? i actually wasn't really into the kid at first, but we hung out a little bit and blah blah blah. bottom line there was no question that we kinda liked each other. he had me hooked. hook, line and sinker, well ... apparently he got bored or something because things fizzled faster than they even got started and i was so freaking confused. one second we're spooning on the couch and the next we're not even speaking. there's more to it, but that's about the gist of it.

at this point i think i deserved to know what the freak was going on. so i called him, i honestly wasn't expecting a response ... but he texted back. he texted me something stupid ... something that made it clear he wasn't interested anymore. so i didn't respond. i felt good ya know? empowered. ha! i'm the one who called you and then didn't respond to YOUR text. i hate texting for this very reason.

the next day i'm walking out of the grocery store with my roommates and guess who just happens to be walking in at the same time. yup. we didn't stop and talk. my feeling of empowerment ... gone. i wasn't even interested anymore because i knew he was a jerk. but for some weird reason i can't handle awkward situations and in attempt to make them not awkward and gross ... like my art projects ... i end up just screwing things up and making them more awkward and gross.

but keri ... what is so awkward about running into him at the store? yeah hmmm ... my trash heap of an art project is still looking kind of good right now. it's what i did next that literally makes my face turn red when i think about it.

ok so the next day i'm pissed and all i want to do is make things 'not awkward' [did i mention it was awkward?]

as a general rule of thumb the appropriate response to the situation would have been to NOT DO ANYTHING. but i did the opposite of that. i did something. i texted him. [permission to laugh/cringe granted] it was a simple message saying how things didn't have to be so damn [yes i said damn] awkward. and that we should be friends.

what was said after that doesn't matter. but i was going to leave it at that, because CLEARLY there is no interest at ALL. and i am okay with that. but let's say hypothetically i was on facebook later that day. and let's "pretend" that this boy got online. now, let's assume that keri is a normal human being with social skills. How does she react?
a.) she does nothing, the guy is a jerk
b.) she thinks about saying something, but doesn't
c.) she invites him to go roller blading and she doesn't even own rollerblades. [but is planning on buying them]

answer: trick question ... keri is NOT a normal human being, and she does not have any social skills what-so-ever therefore the correct answer is C. to be honest [and i am being honest] i have no interest in dating this guy. but i just for some strange reason i feel like i need to be friends with him just prove to him how 'normal' and 'cool' i am.

but instead, i'm the girl he will talk about when clingy girls come up in conversation. i am the girl he will talk about when anyone mentions the word 'awkward' and i have nothing to say for myself. i really just don't know why i kept cutting and glueing and coloring trying to make everything right. so here i sit with gluey hands and a trash heap in front of me. elmer's glue isn't going to fix this one; i think it's time i finally throw it in the trash.